Kyle's Cheap Eats AND An Open Letter to the Asshole who ate a slice of my pizza

Hey guys, long time no talk. Sorry. We've been pretty busy I guess. And by busy I mean DRUNK.

New York is expensive. Right? Heck yes it is. So how does Good Neighbor get along with just a little cash in the super pricey Big Apple? Well, we're smart about our money. Food is important, because you gotta' eat to survive. One of my favorite treats is a piece of bread with melted cheese on it. Dip that baby in some spaghetti sauce, and you've got Pizza. Speaking of pizza, head over to the Alligator Lounge in Williamsburg. For 5 bucks you get a beer and a PERSONAL PIZZA. It's wood-fired and really good. It costs 2 bucks for a carryout box, so you've gotta' eat the pizza there. UNLESS you're smart like me. I took my pizza and wrapped that puppy up in paper towels. I even took the pizza pan. GOOD NEIGHBOR'D (that's kinda like our version of Punk'd). I carried my paper towel pizza all over town. In the rain! Everybody loved me. They were like "What's that?" and I said "it's a pizza," then they go "From where?" and I say "Alligator Lounge," and then they say, "You took that from Alligator Lounge! That's funny and cool. Can I buy you a drink lil dude?" and I'm like "Hell yeah." I even took my pizza to a party. And got more love. Everything seemed to be going great until I met THE ASSHOLE. You've seen this guy before. He's got red hair and a beard, and he's fat, and he rides a bicycle. He asked me where I got the pizza, so I told him, then he said something like "I love that bar. You can't do that. You've got to support the Alligator Lounge. I'm a shithead." He didn't really say that last part, but he was probably thinking it. Then he says I have to give him a slice of my pizza because of the pizza tax. Now, I'm no big city lawyer, but I don't think there is a pizza tax, and if there was one, they wouldn't let some chubby drunk hipster enforce it. It would be bad for pizza publicity. Anyway, I gave him a slice, I guess out of fear. He really was just a bully, now that I think about it. And then he rode off on his bike. What aggravated me the most was breaking apart my full and complete pizza pie. I took that thing everywhere with me. By taking out a slice, my pizza was no longer whole. Kinda like my heart?